am i the only one who rehearses things i might say in advance? and I don’t mean like my theoretical oscars acceptance speech i mean like what i’ll say to the pizza guy when I answer the door in my pjs
If you put your hand on her lower pelvis and put pressure on it while you’re finger fucking her. I promise you she’ll damn near start speaking another language
how does something this small even exist? is this a pig molecule? i need to lay down a while
Me when I’m not talking to a boy: boys are dumb as hell I don’t need them they’re useless I hate them all they do is fuck me over and make me sad
Me the second a boy texts me: 😍
The only reason i enjoy going to bed is so i can make stories up in my head which makes my brain think it’s actually real
I crave touch, yet I flinch every time someone is close enough.
what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?
one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails
if a girl asks you for a tampon, I dont care how much you hate that bitch if you have one you hand it over no one deserves that level of hell
So we have an Italian exchange student at our school. And he and I were hanging out and he saw a pony, and he tried to show me but he didn’t know what it was called so he just pointed at it and said “Look, the compressed horse.”
And then he just grinned at his complete understanding of the English language.